I am proud of myself for reaching out for the help I need. As I was sitting in the Hospice room it felt just like the first day I came into the meetings of AA. It sucked because I felt the feelings of loss and sorrow for the first time and it was pretty fucken serious pain that welled up. I won't get into details of the meeting as to protect the other peoples anonymity, I will just share about my personal feelings. Heavy, heavy shit. I did find something and somewhere I need to be. I hope by blogging it can help me process some of the feelings. I also thought of one more loss as I was sitting there that effected me deeply and that was the loss of my ex-wife Jamie. I was there when she passed and it was serious as well. I have to many to fast and it is very hard to separate the different losses, this is one of the things I learned today. I also learned that by going through this shit I can help someone else. By going through the fire you are blessed with the ability to help others. We have a saying that goes "No matter how far down the scale we have gone we will see how are experience can benefit others". I was able to cry all the way home and I woke up at 3:30AM in a cold sweat, now blogging. It is going to be a hard journey but one I have to take. I also need to take it easy on myself, balance grasshopper - balance.. Ya right..
By for now cuz the fucken space heater blew the breaker.