33rd Day of Camping...

Today I am doing my laundry and waiting to out to dinner with a friend - at McDonald's my usual computing palace.. I asked about a limousine job last night but I think my drivers licence is less than desirable as far as moving violations haha. I have a 20% chance of getting a really killer job in Goleta with a Property Manager that has been here for 30 years. I am going to go to Century 21 on Monday and see what it takes to get my real estate lic. I need it anyway for this area and my career. in Southern Ca. they have HOA's with large communities but here in the Central Coast they have a lot of smaller portfolios and single family management deals that need to have a Lic. to manage. I also want to buy something when the market starts to go back up a few years from now. So I will be getting my Lic. I have decided that. I will also blog about what is takes, how much, etc... next week. I also have a interview with a large Company in Goleta this next week. So I am hopeful!

It is a good day I had a great meeting at 12:00 Community Center. The meeting was about:
1. Why you go to AA Meetings and keep going?
2. What do you get most out of them?

I heard a lot of great things but like what was said in the meeting a large part of why I go is the fellowship and hearing the laughter and being around some positive energy. For me personally the largest reason that I go to meetings is the glimpse of Serenity that I got in the beginning. Now I have weeks with straight good days and mostly feeling comfortable in my own skin.  The time has just expanded in the amount of peace I have in my life and the tools in which I can maintain that peace and serenity. I also noticed as I was sharing that I have had the gift of desperation and being uncomfortable being in meetings cuz I always felt that I had to be honest with myself in the meetings and what I shared. If I was doing something that was wrong or dishonest to m myself or others I would get really nervous and full of anxiety. Now with almost 16 years (July 7th) I do feel a comfort in every meeting I go to. I have worked very hard for that feeling on a regular basis. one of the things is that I keep learning about being honest on so many different levels and keeping that honest with self so that I can stay feeling serene. This year I am working on being more Happy, Joyas and Free instead of just staying serene. I am putting myself out there and becoming more social and it is nice to have met some really cool people that are positive influences in my life. I feel like my life is moving in the right direction even though I am "Camping" and life kinda sucks financially I feel like I am making some major strides in other areas of my life. Like - being more social, exercise and looking and feeling better that I ever have. Being able to pick better people to let into my life and set boundaries when a person I meet and talk to does not make me feel good. It is hard to set boundaries but something you really have to do. I have to do that with a sponcee of mine. I have to set a boundary of not talking or being around him until he gets sober and can be totally honest with me. I can't allow myself to have people around me and in my life that are not being totally honest with me. I have learned that allowing that in your life is just to costly. Trust is huge with me and something that I am learning about. I am spiritually growing cuz of the lessons I am willing to learn and the pain that is involved. Like keeping my integrity even though it has cost me a lot financially, it is so worth it! I feel free and like I will live a long useful life in what I am meant to do now instead of "selling out" and just keeping the high paying job to keep things stable financially. Fuck that, you should stay true to yourself no matter what. As I am "Camping" outside of my previous job in Goleta haha I know they will not bother me on that particular street. Anyway, it is just ironic that I moved here making $65,000 and looking so good on the outside, all polished and shinny on the outside and dying on the inside because I was in a career I hated. I was thinking before I petted my cat and went to bed with $135.00 to my name and not knowing what is going to happen that I am so fucken happy I quit and stayed true to myself. It will pay major dividends the next time I am successful and in the next level of my financial life. I noticed recently that I have not had the stress elements that used to come out physically for like 6 months now, even though I am going through the roughest part of my financial life. That should tell me something DUH! I was in something I hated and need to change. I only wish I would have made the decision sooner. I know something will workout great and it

The Promises:

The Promises, that are read in many A.A. Meetings can be found on page 83-84, of the Big BookAlcoholics Anonymous.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

This is a movie that I want to watch someone said in the meeting at 12:00 it was kinda freaky but I would like to see because of my current position. Hopefully it will give me some hope or just be a good movie. I will let you know on the next blog post what i thought about it.

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