20th Day of Camping and the big fucken 40 B-Day...

Oh ya life sucks pretty fucken bad! But I am sober and still have a chance for things to get better. I don't want to leave 10 minutes before the miracle happens.. I am here in McDonald's again (my second home). They are so nice here and they have $1.00 large cokes and all the refills you can get. I took the blog down for a while cuz I didn't want to have anything adversely effect me getting a job. FUCK IT! I hope they read this and I really could give a shit anyway at this point. I want to get back to doing my pottery again and feel like part of my soul is lost right now not being able to do my art. I sent out my Resume to all the fucken HOA Management positions all up and down California to see if I can pimp myself out again. I fucken hate the HOA business so fucken bad I would almost rather fucken shoot myself then to go back into that shit but it is all I have on my Resume and in this economy I am kinda screwed and need to at least try to do everything I can until I go totally broke which will be pretty fucken soon. I have about $300.00 left and I can't really afford to go look for jobs at this point with the 6 mile to the fucken gallon van I have to drive/live in right now. It is so ironic that when I had my pottery business one of the reasons it didn't take off is that I did not have a van to get me to art shows, etc.., now I have a van and got rid of the bike and can't afford to drive the fucken thing and have sold all of my art shit and live in the fucken van. Life is a trip. I know God has something in store for me to do and I really wish he would get off the pot and show me to be really honest. I am tired of going down. It is time to get going in an up word direction. I did have something really wonderful happen to me today on my big 40 and that was a recent friend I met gave me a b-day card and it had $100.00+ in it. I gave it back but it made my day and restored my faith in the human race. I really needed that and God makes sure that those things happen in my life to keep my hope alive. I am really grateful for her and that God Shot I got today. Went to a meeting tonight, they call it the "guchi meeting" I don't know why it is cool, just a lot of people. It was good and this nice gal shared about growing up in Watts and Compton. I could feel her being that my friend Serbrena is in the hood and I have learned a little about it being at the high rise and traveling through those areas to get to work and observing. Some very serious shit! I have a lot of respect for the people that live there. My white ass is going to stay out of the hood, it brings back some memories of working in LA. Maybe I will go back and make some money. I am getting pretty good at living in the van and I was thinking today it might just be the thing to do to save some money and pay back my ex the money I owe her. I need to get that shit paid off so I can fell good again and have a life. I fucken hate to have debt and especially to a fucken ex... Jesus I have created some major wreckage io sobriety haha. Fuck it, I have also made some major accomlishments and I am living my life with passion and will continue to as long as I am breathing, I will again start my business leaner and meaner than ever too. I will be the next big thing in the Tattoo industry, with my idea and ceramic art. I have faith and will continue to keep it real. Well McDonald's is closing and I am going to find a place to park for the night. Charby is getting more used to the van and that makes me feel good too. Till next time...



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