Found out my Grandmother (Mom) died today 1/30/11

My Grandmother (called her Mom) died today and I don't know what else to do but write a blog post about it cuz I can't talk to my family or I should say my fucked up (Drug addicted) Mother.  My Mom (Cam) called me today after not talking to me for like 2+ years to tell me that my Grandmother died (Gloria Yates) and she asked me if I cared and wanted to know about it in a smart ass way.  What a fucking statement huh asking your son if he cares to know if his grandmother died or not? She is such a selfish, self centered addict (I totally understand, (cuz I was most 1/2 my life) she just has to have control.. Every one has a fucked up family with issues I know I am not the only one and I am eternally grateful for my childhood, my family was very good to me and I was spoiled rotten, about the best childhood you could have but my family sure went to shit a few years ago... It is sad what cancer can do to your family.  my Mother got diagnosed with Lymphoma Cancer about 15+years ago and has been addicted to pain pills since - I am surprised she is still alive.  It is truly amazing what you can put your body through and still be alive.  God wants her here for a reason.. When she asked me if I cared to know how she died I just said that was fucked up and we hung up the phone.  I know the odds are that I will get a call from my uncle anytime telling me my Mom has died from drugs too. I am grateful for my AA family and my 15 years of sobriety and by the grace of a loving God go I. The last time I spoke to my grandmother she told the family I hit her (Long fucked up story) but the bottom line is that I did not hit her and she was just fucked up on drugs like my Mom. I could not go to my Grandfather's funeral because of that little family drama my Mom and Grandmother created. Not that I wanted to be around them anyway. I love my family and I have to "love them from a distance" as they say in the program. I am not going to get caught up in the drama of my family anymore I made that decision when my Grandmother said I hit her, I was done then and my life has continually gotten much better since I have gotten underneath the strong hold of the two manipulative drug addicted woman in my family. Still fucking hurts though..

Update 2/1/11:  I found out a day later from my Uncle that my Grandmother committed suicide and shot herself in the heart. This is what getting addicted to pain pills does.. Very sad..

Know about my wonderful Grandmother (Gloria Yates) and my memories of her: =
She was the best most beautiful grandmother you could ever have!  She taught me so much in life and was so very good to me. I remember when I was little that I would get so excited about my grandparents coming to see us. They loved my unconditionally and put up with a lot more bullshit from me than I could ever put up with from them. The above statement is just me purging my feelings cuz it is good to get that shit out sometimes.. We used to sit at her kitchen table and smoke cigarettes and shoot the shit all the time. I used to garden for her and she always was there for me when I needed to talk or ask a life question. She was ALWAYS supportive of me and my dreams.  She believed in me and had a love for the Central Coast. She would be proud of me and what I am doing with my life. She was insecure about missing anything that was going on and had to stay up all night at Christmas and come over first thing in the morning to be excited with me. I could tell she did not sleep all night. She was a great wife and mother. She was a also a great daughter to her Mom and she did the best she could in this life. She had to take pain pills cuz she had real bad arthritis, I understood and never was mad at her for telling the family I hit her, I think in  a way she said that to give me the opportunity to have my own life and start MY LIFE and get out of the family to do something for me.  I was going to take care of her after my Grandfather passed and I sometimes think she said that on purpose so that I could go on and live my dreams.. Ether that or she was just meaner than cat shit haha, she could be fucking mean, let me tell you, I have that streak in me too.  We were a lot alike..  I love you Mom!
 Me and Mom in front of my Moro Bay apartment a year sober..


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